//God

It’s Art Or It’s an Ad

by cari | March, 2008

In New York, if something is really weird on an institutional level, it’s either Art or it’s an Advertisement.  Movie starring Tilda Swinton and Donald Sutherland projected onto side of building? Art.  Giant orange fabric things all over Central Park? Art. Person in a lizard costume handing out free vitamin water? Ad. There are exceptions of course. That person in the bear costume leisurely strolling near Bryant Park. The 3-story tall inflatable rat that strikers use when picketing.

Generally on the subway, Art happens as an event: kids breakdancing  for money or a group of guerilla artists without pants getting on one at every stop or everyone  agrees to take over a car of the L train.  So, when I stepped onto the Shuttle from Times Square to Grand Central and the walls and seats of the subway car were covered with fake wood paneling, log cabin style I knew it had to be an Ad.  Sure enough, there were pictures of Swiffers on the ceiling at the tops of the poles and the copy that repeated along the top was something like “So fresh. So clean. You’ll want your floors all around you.” 

Okay, OutKast allusions aside, it was a fairly clever campaign and it certainly got one’s attention. Here’s why I find people so fucking irritating: a couple gets on the train. I hope to god they were tourists because otherwise they are too stupid to roam free on the streets.  One of them says, “Wow, the subways look really different. I guess it’s been a while since I’ve ridden them.”

Yes, the City of New York decided to make all subway car interiors look like log cabins because Mayor Bloomberg is a huge Twin Peaks fan. No, dumb ass, it’s an ad. And if you couldn’t infer that with common sense alone, how about noticing the giant Swiffer ads running along the top? 

Oh no, it’s too difficult to open your eyes, see things and deduce a logical explanation.  Never mind that entire buses are driving about wrapped in Pepsi graphics or that a giant lizard is handing out free vitamin waters. “Gee, New Yorkers have gotten a lot more reptilian (and generous). I guess I haven’t seen any for a while.”

The thing I’ve come to realize about intelligence is that there is so much I take for granted. I see something and a dozen explanations occur to me almost simultaneously and my mind chooses the most likely. For some people, the world is way more of a wildly unpredictable, bewildering enigma than it is for the rest of us.  I could not imagine trying to sort through all the stimulus of this city without the ability to quickly assess and decide.

It’s like the dimwits who get on the subway and stop short in the middle because it somehow takes them ten minutes to enter, find a seat and sit in it. By the time they’ve meandered over to sit down, all the other seats have been taken by the nimble and the quick.  In the time it took for this one person to actualize her dream of sitting down, fifteen people found seats. I am frequently dumbstruck by how slowly people move. It takes immense effort for me to move that slowly without stopping altogether. 

  Subway Car Control Subject 

Subway Car Test Subject (Twin Peaks-ified)

[ Topic Ridiculosity, Society | Comments Off ]

Now THAT Explains the Burning Bush!

by adam | March, 2008

Thanks to the “diligent” work of “scientists” intent on ruining all of our best yarns, now it turns out that, in fact, it’s most probable that Moses was high on powerful psychotropic drugs when he scaled Mount Sinai and “heard God” deliver the Ten Commandments. According to these “scientists”, this use of mind-altering substances was an integral part of many religious rites performed by the Israelites at the time. Of note, this particular scientist has also taken some of these drugs himself.

If we could be permitted to take this to the next logical conclusion, then after hearing Francis Collins tell Terry Gross that all of his work on the Human Genome Project is only further proof of “God’s brilliance”, maybe it’s safe to assume that a portion of the scientific community is “dabbling” a bit much in their own research.  Maybe if someone could get the pipe away from Francis for just a minute, we’d stop having to watch “Intelligent Design” gain traction in the fly-over-states.

[ Topic Religion | 1 Comment ]

We’ve Been Storing Up God’s Wrath?

by adam | September, 2007

What more can we say? This is absolutely our new favorite music video:

If you didn’t make it all the way to the end, then you missed all the awesome shout-outs.

[ Topic Religion | Comments Off ]

I Did Not Come From No Frickin’ Monkey!

by adam | August, 2007

Oh. Wait. Shit. Ummmm….yeah you did. Even the Pope is now admitting that “there is much scientific proof in favor of evolution.” This makes us wonder how many more times religion will bow to unassailable scientific evidence before the whole house of cards comes tumbling down.We’re waiting for the embarrassing day when all those Catholic priests have to admit to the impoverished nations of Africa African nation that they’ve been lying about the inefficacy of condoms (more and more).

[UPDATE 3-30-09]: And it just keeps on happening.

[ Topic Religion | 2 Comments ]