My Epic Power Struggle With A Security Guard at BAM

by cari [ Topic Ridiculosity | 1 Comment ]

As many of you know, I am working as an Usher at BAM (Brooklyn Academy of Music) evenings and weekends. I needed to get a BAM employee ID card because, besides allowing me entrance to my place of sometimes work, the ID gets me (+1) into free movies at BAM Rose Cinemas, Film Forum, Walter Reade and Anthology Film Archive.

As instructed during my orientation, I called Stage Door and told them I was a new hire and needed an ID card. The man told me to come down. So I took the train from Times Square to the BAM/Stage Door office in Brooklyn, which is a 30 minute ride. When I walk in the door, I tell the employee at the front desk that I am here to get a BAM ID. He says, verbatim, “Well, you can’t get one. I can’t do that, I have all these boxes that need to be addressed.” [He did indeed have a lot of boxes.]

For two seconds, I struggle to not be bitchy about this. So, I explain that I had been told to come down and politely left out the part about how his boxes and how many he had and what he was supposed to do with them were none of my concern. He demands to know who I had spoken to, because no one there would say to just come down and get an ID. Normally I get a person’s name when I speak to them on the phone for questions just like this, but alas I had not done so this time. 

Apparently, there is another employee who has recently gone on lunch break, for whom this agreeable fellow is covering. When I ask what time the other person was returning, he promptly tells me that he was going on lunch break when the other returns, so I cannot get an ID then either. As I recall, he did not even bother to fabricate a reason why the other person could not do the ID either. Perhaps he cannot think clearly on an empty stomach.

We proceed to argue for about five minutes about why someone would tell me to come to the office when obviously making an ID card was utterly impossible. Usually, I do my utmost to avoid these kinds of arguments because they are pointless and extremely irritating, but this charming man is really intent on scrapping with me.

Then we argue another two minutes because I accidentally insinuate that he is denying that anyone had said such a thing in the first place. I quickly clarify, but he is off like a talkative rocket. I have noticed that when arguing with people who are none too bright, they often latch onto some point you have already conceded because for some reason they feel they are on steadier footing there. By ‘none too bright’ I mean anyone who thinks one less than solid point in a long discussion negates all that came before it.

Really frustrated now, I call on my cell phone the number I had previously dialed. The phone on the desk in front of me rings. Scrappy McGee over here answers, not realizing it is me. Obviously then, the lunching employee had told me to come down. Then, I start to call the Assistant Theatre Manager but as I am dialing, Scrappy relents and tells me to come back at 2 PM. That means I have 20 minutes to kill but I am not going to have wasted my lunch hour and I am not coming down again.

At 1:50 PM, I enter the office, and a managerial type man is at the front desk. He is quite cordial and when I tell him what I need, he says immediately, “Oh, yes, he [indicating Scrappy] can help you with that.” What a pleasant exchange! Suit Guy finished whatever he was saying to Scrappy and left….around 1:55 PM. It did cross my mind that had I come at 2 PM as directed, I would have not had that nice Suit Guy’s assistance. Hmmmm.

Long story, less long, the photograph on my new BAM Employee ID card:

a) Is blurry
b) Looks like I have a white mustache. This has been independently verified by several people.
c) Has two fingerprints over my face.

But you know what? Free movies, bitches!

Victory = Cari