Why yes, it is quite hot out, isn’t it? If you absolutely must open hydrants (thereby endangering the neighborhood by lowering water pressure when it might be needed to put out fires (or take showers for that matter), and basically treating clean water like it’s an infinite gift from the ass of baby Jesus and not a precious resource that must be cleaned and treated before it can be used again and therefore ought to be conserved), why the fuck can’t you share hydrants? Two on one block and one on each of the surrounding 3 blocks, flooding the streets. This always used to upset me when they showed clips of kids running through hydrant spray on Sesame Street and let me tell you, it’s far more upsetting to see it in person.

There are so many 311 calls about open hydrants that there is a special 311 Open Hydrant Complaint subset which directs callers to a 311 purgatory of waiting for an operator. I waited 11 minutes then gave up.

These people are not even using the hydrant caps that make a controlled spray, just completely removing the caps so the water gushes directly into the street. And then are unwilling/unable to close them again. YOU ARE IGNORANT AND WASTEFUL. I wish you lived in one of those countries where women have to walk for 3 hours to a water source and then lug 40 lbs of water back to their homes EVERY DAY.

Love,
Cari

Giving people access to safe, potable water.

I love the somewhat cynical but not unyielding Frenchman in the beginning. I love that the a cappella version(s) are sung in this gorgeously Parisian, Old-World apartment building. In the first version, I love that there is a friendly dog running about. I love that people came home to find Bon Iver in their hallway. In the second version, I love the spirit of spontaneously making music for people out on the street. I love the idea of terrifying tourists with something unexpected and wonderful. In the third version, I love how amazing and pure their voices sound.

And I love the in-between songs.

And, I mean, unicorns! The mascot of hipsters everywhere. His are rocket-powered. One is even on skateboards.

I believe my favorite illustrations are the little red and pink bear on a ladder dreaming big…and then dreaming even bigger (and then it’s right up in your snout). And the cordoned off purgatories for non-dreamers Who’ve Given Up or Who’ve Never Tried. And the “Dream-etery” where all my dreams reside, beneath that menorah-looking thing. Also enjoyable are mundane people’s dreams of breakfast sandwiches. And “reg-u-lar”.

On his website, there is Dallas Clayton poetry, such as:

EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY

As I write this
an accounts receivable manager
has just joked
that he “put the G in Gmail”
and gotten a laugh
from a mail clerk
who came to work high.

I will let you draw your own conclusions.

Dallas Clayton has a six year-old, so you should buy his book for all the six year-olds you know, some of whom may be in their thirties.

©2010 Copyright Dallas Clayton

Though the love itself may fade, I do not know,
The poetry you inspire ascends, ascending
Becomes stars and you, who are so loved,
Look quite infinite up there.

Because I am an idiot (I forgot the show was that night), I got there too late to see Britt Daniel of Spoon play his three songs (BD and/or Spoon has played 3-4 different places all over New York and Brooklyn recently and I have managed to miss each appearance. (I did shell out for a ticket to the Spoon show at Radio City Music Hall in March because I saw Björk play there 10 years ago and the acoustics are so amazing it sounded like she was standing in front of us.)

Oh well. Here is Britt Daniel playing “Who Makes Your Money”:

So I missed the frontman for one of my favorite bands, and it does not matter an iota because I got to see St. Vincent and Justin Vernon (Bon Iver) play and then I got to see them play together (Songer Singwriter – consisting of Annie, Justin, a drummer and Brad from Megafaun). Another honor was the surprise guest, Shara Worden (My Brightest Diamond), who sang this amazingly gorgeous song whose name I do not know. Her voice and delivery just blew everything else out of the water. She also did a Prince cover, which was wonderful. Had I known anything about her before Saturday, I would have gone to the show she had played the previous night at Bowery Ballroom.

Here is Justin Vernon performing one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen live:

Unexpectedly, for a bunch of delicate-sounding musicians, Songer Singwriter devolved into really balls-out noise (or evolved, depending on how one feels about noise), I mean, a crashing, borderline painful cacophony, particularly at the conclusion of “Jolene”, of which I do not have video.

Songer Singwriter cover Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon”:

And here is a partial clip of Songer Singwriter performing a jawdropping cover of Dolly Parton’s “Jolene”:

Unrelated to the show, but having everything to do with Bon Iver, as part of another amazing evening with my friend, Kate M., she introduced me to La Blogotheque, which is run by people who invite musicians to play tiny, intimate shows in France. This is an a cappella version of “For Emma” sung in the hallway of an apartment building in Paris. Love the bewildered residents who came home to find Bon Iver. And, of course, the dog.

[Incidentally, Kate does not know this yet but she consistently introduces me to music that makes me think "This is why life is worth living." Not just the fantastic music itself, but the joy in discovering it exists out there in the world. Thank you, Kate, for also being out there in world.]

And I will leave you with a lovely, heartbreaking rendition of “Skinny Love”, also courtesy of La Blogotheque. Look at those joyous Frenchies who got to sit in a room the size of a closet and drink wine and sing along with this:

a) I can barely tell the difference between emaciated cokeheads who spent hours making themselves look dirty and emaciated junkies who look dirty because they sleep in dirt. I suppose the nose will know(s).

b) “Gutter Punk” is so ’90s. “Crusty Punk” sounds fittingly like a euphemism for syphilis.

c) Williamsburg is not a “family neighborhood”.

d) Hilarious that the half-built luxury condos are now infested.

e) This is why I shun (and loathe) panhandlers. I have ever since living between the Upper and Lower Haight in SF. Fie on middle-class kids who don’t want to work but call me yuppie whatevs while simultaneously trying to wheedle money.

AIDS Wolf
An Horse
Angry vs. The Bear
(Animal Collective)
Apes & Androids
Arctic Monkeys
Atomic Kitten
Avi Buffalo
Baby Alpaca
Band of Horses
Bat for Lashes
(Be Your Own Pet)
Bear Hands
Bear in Heaven
Bear vs. Shark
Bearsuit
Birdmonster
Birds of Tokyo
Birds of Wales
Black Horse
Black Joe Lewis and the Honey Bears
Blank Dogs
Bloody Panda
Bowerbirds
Breathe Owl Breathe
Byrds of Paradise
Caribou [formerly Manitoba]
Cat Power
Catfish Haven
Chicken Snake
Common Loon
Crocodiles
(Crystal Antlers)
Cub Country
Danger Mouse
Daylight’s for the Birds
Deer Tick
Deerhoof
Deerhunter
Department Of Eagles
(Des Roar)
Doveman
Dr. Dog
Ducktails
Eagles of Death Metal
Eagull*Seagull
Earl Greyhound
El Perro Del Mar
Elefant
Elephant Parade
Fleet Foxes
Foals
Freelance Whales
Frightened Rabbit
Gorillaz
Grizzly Bear
Grouper
HORSE the Band
Horse Feathers
Hot Snakes
Jaguar Love
Japanther
Kid Koala
Kittens Ablaze
LadyHawke
Le Tigre
Lemuria
Lion Fever
Lubricated Goat
Lucinda Black Bear
Lungfish
Maus Haus
Miniature Tigers
Minus The Bear
MINKS
Modest Mouse
Mongrel
Moth! Fight!
Mouse on Mars
New Young Pony Club
Night Horse
Noah And The Whale
Noxious Foxes
Panda Bear
Panthers
Part Chimp
Patrick Wolf
Pedro the Lion
Peter and the Wolf
Pig Out
(Plants and Animals)
Priestbird
Psychedelic Furs
Red Sparowes
Rob Crow
Robyn
Sea Wolf
Seabird
Shark?
(Simian Mobile Disco)
Slang Chickens
So Cow
Spacehog
Stars Like Fleas
Stereo Pony
(Super Furry Animals)
Sweet Cobra
Tarantula
Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt
The Antlers
The Bees
The Bird and the Bee
The Dear and the Headlights
The Deer Tracks
The Deer in Your Headlights
The Detroit Cobras
The Donkeys
The Doves
The Eels
The Field Mice
The Fruit Bats
The Giraffes
(The Humble Feather)
The Jaguar Club
The Jesus Lizard
The Late Birds
The Mountain Goats
The Octopus Project
The Owl Stations
The Ponys
The Reindeer Section
The Wooden Birds
The Wrens
(The Young Fur)
These Arms Are Snakes
They Shoot Horses Don’t They
(Tickley Feathers)
Toadies
Tortoise
Toy Horses
Turbowolf
Tweakbird
Ultra Dolphins
Wallis Birds
We Are Wolves
Whales and Cops
White Rabbits
White Whale
(Wild Beasts)
Wild Yaks
Wildbirds & Peacedrums
Wolf Eyes
Wolf Parade
Wolfmother
(Zoos of Berlin)

Fake/Mythical/Extinct Animals and Monsters:
Care Bears On Fire
Dinosaur Feathers
Dinosaur Jr.
Dinowalrus
Dragonette
Dragons of Zynth
Echo & The Bunnymen
Goblin Cock
Graffiti Monsters
Humanbeast
Little Dragon
Mastodon
Megafaun
Mogwai
Nymph
Pet Ghost Project
Phoenix
Pterodactyl
Siouxsie & The Banshees
That Ghost
The Black Angels
The Dodos
The Muggabears
The Pixies
The Raveonettes
The Unicorns
Thing-One
Thunderbirds are Now!
USAISAMONSTER
Vampire Hands
Vampire Weekend
Your 33 Black Angels

New Off-shoot: Skeletons
Band of Skulls
Beach Fossils
Dead Man’s Bones
Ebony Bones
Skeleton Key
Skeletonwitch

Updated 07.24.2010

188

This was the same line-up as the last show with babies present, so it has something to do with the bands playing, but the last show was not nearly this loud.  Could you maybe at least put your hands over the baby’s ears when the show starts?  Oh no, you can’t because you are holding your baby in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other.  I am really hoping you breastfeed that baby because those little guys sure like to get a buzz on. Or you could cut out the middle mammary gland and put some sparkling wine in a bottle.

There were also babies at the Battles show in Central Park, and while that was outdoors and no one’s ears bled, it was loud enough to have to shout a bit to talk to someone next to you. The only time I have been even close to being okay with this sort of thing was the toddler at The Knit wearing studio-sized headphone things that blocked out sound. Am I alone on this? Am I the only one worried about hearing-loss in babies and toddlers? If they grow up with Tinnitus, someone should be punched in the gut.

Christ in a bobsled.

Updates:

4.4.09  Baby Ear Muffs

8.4.09
Another Tragic Example of this Barbaric Practice at the Free July 10th, 2009, Pains of Being Pure of Heart Show at South Street Seaport in Manhattan, NY

Soon to be Deafened Asian Child in a Crappy-Quality Photograph. I was wearing earplugs because I enjoy hearing things.

Use the tent for scale. Please note the large black rectangle in the top left of the also crappy-quality photo. That is the bottom portion of a speaker stack. That poor child is being held just out of frame on the right.

To the right of the tent, small toddler. To the left, huge speakers cranked so people in the back of the outdoor venue can hear.

Subsequently, I have learned of impending break-ups and divorces via social networking sites, complete with trite, diminishing icons such as Facebook’s ‘broken heart’, i.e. “[broken heart] Paul is no longer in a relationship.” Then the subject is flooded with emails, wall posts and comments along the lines of, “Ohhh nooooo! What happened?”  The broken heart icon comes about when one makes changes to one’s Facebook profile, and more than one broken-hearted friend has been chagrined by the unintentional broadcasting of their bad news.  Worse yet are announcements of love lost in status updates or other bulletin-board-y modes. By far the most disconcerting to date was when a friend told me of his impending divorce on the message board of our Scrabulous (R.I.P.) game.  Okay, so Twitter and Facebook are easy, quick ways to let a lot of people know something you would like them to know. It can also, I have found, serve as a way of saying something you would rather not say, or imparting news you would rather not have, to wit, illness and death.

I think most of us have received news of a loved one’s loss through e-mail, or other kinds of mass distributed messaging. Of course in times like that who wants to spend hours on the phone, repeating something so painful and difficult to say in the first place?

Recently, a friend lost her father, with whom she had had a complicated relationship. What was novel was that she posted updates on his health, at times cryptically worded, on Facebook and likely elsewhere, probably from her iPhone outside the hospital. When he finally passed, she posted something along the lines of, “Dying looks so different than I thought it would.”  So, that was an odd way of sharing difficult news during a difficult time. It would not have been my first choice.

What disturbed me far, far more than her posting the updates were the unintentionally glib and silly comments posted by friends in response, most attempting a helpful, supportive or consoling vein.  Their undoing was their structure; their syntax and grammar and spelling:

Sorry UR dad died.

U never really lose people because they R always in UR heart.

Let us set aside for the moment my penchant for fully and properly spelled words, not to mention sounding like an adult and not a 12 year-old girl.  Instead, let us examine the complete negation of emotion accomplished by these ‘drive-thru’ sentiments, these Hannah Montana platitudes.  We are all plugged into something hollow here and I am frankly aghast.  Frowny faces should be reserved for pedestrian use.  Could we please put on our grammatical Sunday-best in matters of life and death? Frowny facing someone’s death is a new high in lows, beyond the pale.

Let us suppose that she wanted support and condolences on Facebook, or that she wanted answering gestures to her gesture. She did set a precedence with her status updates. However, y’all couldn’t spell that shite out?  Y’all gonna whip out some emoticon, the same one you used when the puppy cam was down?

Please people, let us make a pact today: when true tragedy visits and people we love (or know or met once at a party, or never met in person) are suffering, are grappling with enormous and painful circumstances, let us dust off our grown-up words and our grown-up emotions and try to make a real connection, to offer true comfort and support, if comfort and support be your aim.

From: Hauck, Cari
To: _____, William
Subject: FW: Dining Services Feedback
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2008 13:48:28 -0500

I believe it happened to me almost exclusively at lunch time. The make-up incident happened today at around 12:14? The other times ranged from noon to 2:45. Today it was the gray-haired gentleman, but it has been several different men/custodians who have done the same.

On 12/17/08 1:41 PM,

“_____, William” <William._____@mtvn.com>; wrote:

> Understood. You mentioned that this has happened 4 times. At what times of the day, to the best of your recollection, did they >occur?

> Bill _____
> Manager
> Facility Maintenance
> MTVN
> 1515 Broadway
> New York, NY 10036
> 212-258-_____
>
> —– Original Message —–
> From: Hauck, Cari
> To: _____, William
> Sent: Wed Dec 17 13:30:11 2008
> Subject: FW: Dining Services Feedback
>
> Hi Bill,
>
> I got your VM and tried your extension but you are away from your desk. I
> cannot really speak freely on the phone regarding this issue as I am in an
> open bay area with about 20 other people in my immediate vicinity.
>
> I will gladly answer any questions via email.
>
> Best,
> Cari
>
>
> —— Forwarded Message
> From: “_____, Donna” <_____@RestaurantAssociates.com>
> Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2008 11:32:31 -0500
> To: <cari.hauck@mtvnmix.com
>
> Conversation: Dining Services Feedback
> Subject: RE: Dining Services Feedback
>
> I will forward this issue to the building maintenance department as this has
> nothing to do with the dining service in the Lodge.
>
> ________________________________
>
> From: cari.hauck@mtvnmix.com
[mailto:cari.hauck@mtvnmix.com]
> Sent: Wed 12/17/2008 10:54 AM
> To: _____, Donna; _____, Jace
> Subject: Dining Services Feedback
>
>
> From: Cari Hauck
> Email: cari.hauck@mtvnmix.com
> Tel: (212) 846-_____
> Cafe & Location: The Lodge – 1515 Broadway
> Comments:
>
>I do not know if this is you or 1515 maintenance, but it would be
> nice if the bathroom custodial work could either be done after The Lodge
> closes or by a female, so I do not have to repeatedly yell from the toilet
> to a man knocking on the door that Yes, someone is in here. This has
> happened at least 4 times and most recently, I was applying make-up at the
> mirror and the custodian simply opened the door without knocking, saw me,
> closed the door and knocked. It is ridiculous to be forced to tell a man
> not to come into a ladies room during operating hours.

> Contact Required: No
>
>
> Presentation: No Comment
> Quality: No Comment
> Value: No Comment
> Staff: No Comment
> Cleanliness: No Comment
>
>
> DISCLAIMER Important! This message is intended for the above named person(s)
> only and is CONFIDENTIAL AND PROPRIETARY. If you are not the intended
> recipient of this e-mail and have received it in error, please immediately
> notify the sender by return email and then delete it from your mailbox. This
> message may be protected by the attorney-client privilege and/or work
> product doctrine. Accessing, copying, disseminating or re-using any of the
> information contained in this e-mail by anyone other than the intended
> recipient is strictly prohibited. Finally, you should check this email and
> any attachments for the presence of viruses, as the sender accepts no
> liability for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.
> Thank you.

>
> —— End of Forwarded Message