//Written By Adam Hauck
Short Music Documentary
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Adventures in Urban Nesting
M moves into my house, which I was able to purchase thanks to the same questionable lending practices that have so embroiled the nation in our current economic crisis. Thank goodness for crooked bankers.
The following is the diary of the adventures of M and myself. We live in an officially designated “walkable neighborhood” through which we nevertheless drive. We cook a lot. We entertain our non-single friends at civilized gatherings involving barbecued foods. We attend age-appropriate social events. At a recent art opening featuring some particularly awful paintings, we sampled a Cow Basque cheese, which in spite of pressing events on the world stage, caused us to spend an inappropriate sum of time marveling at the deliciousness of that cheese. I am amused to imagine a younger me and how little I anticipated any of the above. If I’d been more on the ball, I would have taken a cooking class.
May 23, 2009
M moves into my house, which I was able to purchase thanks to the same questionable lending practices that have so embroiled our nation in the current economic crisis. Thank goodness for crooked bankers. We need the extra space in the yard to plant some vegetables.
May 27, 2009
Around the corner is a store called “The Little Knittery”. Over the past two years I’ve taken some joy in making the snarky observation that hipsters must live in your neighborhood when there’s a place there called “The Little Knittery”. This sterling observation may have been funnier when I still felt as if I was one of said hipsters, even just a little bit. Today it occurs to me that I might be a cooler person if I had cause to purchase yarn.
June 2, 2009
With M’s arrival also came a treadmill which I placed at the rear of the garage thinking that would be the end of that. Impossibly, I decide to begin running. In doing this, I set aside the last two decades of sedentary existence, during which time I managed to avoid joining the statistical marvel that is the obesity epidemic thanks only to a very dedicated metabolism. Soon I will be thin and fit, or so I will be told. More accurately, I will soon consider a visit to the jogging store where I will spend $170 on shoes which I will never allow myself to wear out in public.
June 4, 2009
We plant a vegetable garden and unknowingly join a cult of vegetable growing people. Now at least if I die wearing tennis shoes and a cape, it’ll be from something I grew. Like a squash gone horribly wrong. Note: avoid capes.
June 8, 2009
I have now added dorky running shorts with built-in underwear to my exercise ensemble. This slope is considerably more slippery than the warning labels would have you believe.
June 11, 2009
As the landscaping efforts in the yard approach the finish line, M is consumed with trying to find an appropriate spot to install a hammock. This makes her both adorable, and a little manic. Note: Before anyone suggests as much, I should add that I find those free-standing hammocks unsightly and generally objectionable.
June 15, 2009
Proudly sent pictures of our completed backyard landscaping endeavors and brimming vegetable garden to some of the family. My grandmother answers back with the following missive: “Hi! I’m green with envy and proud of you for having your own garden – and then to make sausage risotto with a home-grown zucchini. We called it a Victory Garden during WW2 and I remember New Zealand spinach – lots of Vitamin C. The chickens all got some horrible looking bag dragging behind them and eventually Beeps [my grandfather] had to drown them by holding their heads under water in a bucket.”
June 18, 2009
Have harvested one zucchini per day for last four days. Quickly running out of uses for zucchini. Will soon try: nap pillow, nerf substitute for in-home-football-related-chicanery, fuel source for futuristic zucchini powered car (note: invent that car, it sounds awesome), hair tonic and/or nasal decongestant, erotic accessory for dog (note: get dog).
June 19, 2009
M’s mother coming to visit tomorrow. I would be wise to conclude that this strange feeling of pride I feel from being so “adult” that my future mother-in-law would deign a visit, is a sure sign that I am still a child. Also, that I would refer to M’s mother using the above descriptor, is an indicator that M’s efforts to get me thinking about marriage have been hauntingly successful. She is wily.
June 20, 2009
Saturday night. 11pm. Drunk. It was the second bourbon that did it. M and I are in a bar full of people with whom I share an affinity, but who, in point of fact, would not say the same about me. Our topic? I have one year before we need to start having unprotected sex. My internal 20-year-old hears this and leaps with joy even while reminding himself that unprotected sex is “not cool man”. My modern, drunker self in the present tense, knows that there’s no way this means anything other than babies. Babies are now on the menu. And they are hungry.
NEXT TIME
During which time we better get to know M. While perusing paint colors at the local home-improvement-plex, M is recognized for her little-heralded supporting role in a mercifully cancelled television drama featuring melancholic college students. This is the first such occasion to which I have born witness. We end up settling on a paint color unfortunately dubbed “Kitten White”.
AND AFTER THAT
A birthday adventure to Vancouver. We choose this destination based on abundant assertions that Vancouver is a “surprisingly awesome place to visit that one would not naturally choose for a vacation destination”. Yes. People who told us about it used quotes, and they all said exactly those words. This plays into my brand new conspiracy theory that Canada is trying to lure all the good Americans north, thus leaving only a Sara Palin-esque underclass here at home. Canada’s status on the world stage will blossom! They ostensibly accomplish this by having delicious restaurants. Also on the trip, M encounters the friendliest raccoons in North America.
ShareThis “Liberal Experiment” Sounds Like a Real Blast
I recently got an email from my mom, who has been under assault by some conservative friends who are deeply worried about the downfall of the empire. These emails have grown more common of late, and in her latest missive, she asked for my two cents on the recent news from The Drudge Report that President Obama has enlisted ABC news to help him with a massive PR rollout of his health care plan on the evening of June 24th. Her conservative friends warn that this is evidence that “The Liberal Experiment” is upon us. I think that makes them sound petty and bitter. Her email (re-printed with permission), and my three cents follow:
Adam,
Hi. Any comments on this? My conservative friends are “terrified that the liberal experiment has begun.” Hmm.
Hope your day is going well!
Mom,
1) Obviously the president has no obligation to present the opposing view to his plan and cannot be faulted for successfully convincing ABC to cover the issue thoroughly.
2) Since Ronald Reagan abolished the fairness doctrine in 1987, no broadcast entity is required to present equal time to opposing opinions. Is this a good example of journalistic integrity? I’d say no, but it is certainly ABC’s prerogative to cover the issue however they please. If the RNC has a problem with it, the proper recourse is the one they appear to have chosen, which is to take it up with ABC.
3) None of the above can be interpreted as anything other than a very media savvy president doing whatever he can to get the message out on a very important issue. I’m not even sure what “The Liberal Experiment” is, but maybe the folks worried about it could find some more constructive ways to lend their voice to our national troubles.
The “Socialism” argument was bunk, and so is this.
ShareAtwater Village Farmers Market Saved?
The LA Times is reporting this afternoon that a Wells Fargo spokesperson indicated the Atwater Village Farmers Market has escaped the threat of eviction. Though the details of the meeting to negotiate the terms of their continued operation remain vague, it sounds like some wheels got greased afterall.
Here’s three cheers to anyone who called and/or wrote the bank. I have a feeling a little well-placed outrage might have had a little something to do with this turn of events.
Regardless, we’ll take an optimistic wait-and-see approach until the deal is set in stone next week.
ShareBad Bank
More word on the Atwater Village Farmers market closure. I spoke with a rep from Eric Garcetti’s office this morning and he said they were aware of the issue and were actively working to arrange a meeting between the bank manager and the farmers market organizers. I also contacted The LA Times, Metblog LA, The Los Feliz Ledger, and I left a message for the Wells Fargo bank manager, Ricardo Villareal. His number is 323-663-8024.
Email Arsen Melikyan in Eric Garcetti’s office and let him know you’re concerned about this threat to our Farmer’s Market. Also, feel free to give Ricardo a call and at least leave him a message that you’re calling about the Farmer’s Market…if you get him on the horn, then by all means, be nice.
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