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Come for the Hipsters, Stay for the Charm
Upon arriving at West LA’s ever-so-popular Grove mall for an innocent trip to their Apple Store, I was quickly confronted with the following evidence that civil society has taken yet another dark turn:
Seriously, we’re usually the last one’s to talk about what’s appropriate in a “family” environment, but this ruffles even our flawed sense of decorum.
Dianetics!
“Is it possible to discover my purpose in life? See page 49!”
So, I’m attempting to read Dianetics by good ol’ L. Ron because I saw those commercials when I was younger (with the volcano and “Is it possible to discover my purpose in life? See page 49!”) and I am curious.
Unfortunately, it has been slow going because a) Dianetics is astoundingly boring and repetitive, b) the language is über pseudo-intellectual – poking fun at the high-flown language of doctors and physicists but also pandering to the ignorant masses by using “big words” and printing definitions in the footnotes, in an attempt to make them feel intelligent and deep, and c) is chock-full of specious “facts”, citing “proofs” such as “it has been proven”, “many believe”, “as has been shown in numerous laboratory experiments”.
Dianetics seeks to distance itself from false religions and general quackery by assuring its readers that all concepts contained therein are quantifiable using scientific method and scientific theory. It then refrains from describing the actual methods or theories (or to specify which experiments were conducted where and by whom and with what results) used to support the ideas found in Dianetics.
Here is my own version of the pompous, long-winded and empty logic encountered thus far:
It has been proven beyond a doubt through stringent scientific methodology that pygmies make the best gourmet pastry chefs. Many people, throughout history, have found this to be true and the proliferation of gourmet pastries by pygmies has been heavily documented. However, it wasn’t until the advent of atomic energy that this pastry virtuosity has been used to its full potential, which will be discussed further and in greater detail later on in this book.First, you must ask yourself, “What are pastries?” You might say: Well, they are sweet. They are sometimes flaky and sometimes creamy. These are all true statements. But what makes a pastry truly a pastry? It is the pastry’s pure essence, which we call Scrumpty-licious-ness which is present from inception to digestion, that defines pastry and separates it from the mere cookie or pie. As you continue reading and learn more about Scrumpty-licious-ness, you will see that pygmies truly are the finest creators of pastry and possess an innate incomparability when it comes to creating pastry’s sweet goodness.
ShareOops, I Think You’ve Got a Little Libertarian on Your Shirt
Time Magazine has an article about New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and California’s own Arnold Schwarzenegger which is certainly worth a read. What’s particularly interesting to us is the unmistakable appearance that these two guys (along with Ron Paul in the current Republican Presidential Primary field) sound much less like Republicans, and much more like logical, centrist, socially liberal, Libertarians. And at the end of the day, that sounds a heck of alot like much of America….or at least we’re hoping that’s the case.
ShareShut up. We’re trying to watch the news.
What began as a simple frustration that the recently broadcast succession of presidential debates should be, but is not, easily and freely accessible online, quickly turned my attention back to something to which Republicans, for some reason, instantly bristle: The Fairness Doctrine. This was a simple codification of the idea that broadcast airwaves were, first and foremost, meant to serve the public good, and as such, FCC regulations mandated equal time for ideas on both sides of controversial subjects. In 1986, Ronald Reagan put the final nail in the coffin for The Fairness Doctrine when he vetoed a congressional attempt to protect its statutes through law. And so was born the likes of MSNBC and Fox News, of Crossfire and Hannity and Colmes.
Here’s the problem: As much as you may agree that The Fairness Doctrine was unnecessary government regulation, or that it in many ways worked against some tenets of The First Amendment, it’s important to realize that WE CLEARLY NEED IT. We’ve reached a point in our social discourse where we actually need to legislate two-way conversations. In the last twenty years, we have seen an explosion of “media” on cable TV, and yet find ourselves in a time when you can now get arguably more reliable “news” on Comedy Central. As a matter of course, we’ve learned to accept soundbite-driven bark fests in lieu of substantive conversation.
Partisan broadcast networks, both left and right wing, are purposefully divisive out of greed. They eschew open dialogue not because there isn’t a genuine need for it, but because partisanship gets them better ratings and makes them more money. Right now we’d be happy enough if we could just frickin’ download the presidential debates from iTunes or C-SPAN, but moving forward, it seems like maybe we’ve got kind of a bigger problem.
We recommend Lowell Bergman’s excellent Frontline series “News War”, and if you don’t already, we recommend you support your local NPR affiliate where thankfully, there is still a preponderance of real information available.
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- The Rime of the Ancient Mariner
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
An extended version of Bon Iver’s La Blogotheque Take Away Show of “For Emma, Forever Ago” with three versions of the song and some very startled tourists. I think this is one of my favorite things in the whole world. Not just that the song is so beautiful, and is so beautifully sung, but that [...]
So, This Stephen Malkmus-looking Guy Who Went to High School with My Boss Wrote a Children’s BookA man once said, “Childrens do learn.” and I believe childrens should learn to dream big dreams. Even better is to dream arty dreams like a hipster might draw. This hipster author’s name is Dallas Clayton. Although I do not know for sure that Dallas Clayton is a hipster, he looks like this: And, I [...]
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//FROM THE ARCHIVES
Chris Matthews Profile in the NY Times“I’m pretty sure if I knew this man I might do him bodily harm.”
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I Can’t Tell If My Funny Is Working Anymore[Warning: The default volume on this seems loud to me. And pause it before the commercial plays at the end. Also, when the fuck are they going to learn how to normalize between skits and commercials. I think Comedy Central and others are guilty of this, too. Though I think if you're using Safari with [...]
Someone Needs a Better MouthpieceFor all the shots that get aimed justifiably at the press, every once in a while there’s a glint of hope. Here’s one of those rare (and AWESOME) occasions where a reporter hangs on for the ride in pursuit of a straight answer to her question. Kudos to you big-hoop-earring lady. [ADDENDUM]: It appears the [...]
